HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

So, this one is for you mom!!  Love you, hopefully it will make all of you laugh, it's cute!

1. My  mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If  you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished  cleaning.'

2. My mother  taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come  out of the carpet.'

3. My  mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't  straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'  

4. My mother taught me  LOGIC.
' Because I said so; that's  why.'

5. My mother taught  me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and  break your neck, you're not going to the store with  me.'

6. My mother taught me  FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in  case you're in an accident.' 

7. My mother taught me  IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to  cry about.'

8. My mother  taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
'Shut your  mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about  CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back  of your neck!' 

10. My  mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there  until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER  .
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went  through it.'

12. My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!' 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take  you out.'

14. My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting  like your father!'

15. My  mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of  less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents  like you do.' 

16. & nbsp;My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just  wait until your father gets home' 

17.  My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'  You are going to get it when we get home!' 

18.!  My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you  don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'  

19. My mother taught me  ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when  you are cold?'

20. My  mother taught me HUMOR .
'When that lawn mower cuts  off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN  ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never  grow up.' 

22. My mother  taught me GENETICS< /U>.
'You're just like your  father.'

23.  My mother taught me about my ROOTS ..
'Shut  that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a  barn?'

24. My mother taught  me WISDOM .
'When you get to be my age, you'll  understand.'  


And my  favorite :  
25. My mother  taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids,  and I hope they turn out just like you!'